Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
