he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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