I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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