I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
