i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
