After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
