Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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