His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
