I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You smell like stripper and shame
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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