She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
