I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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