her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
