I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
