She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
