your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I checked into jail on foursquare
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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