It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
