It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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