I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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