We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
