I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
