So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
