why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
