I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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