he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
