in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
