so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
