New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
