ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
