hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love you. Go after that dick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
