It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
