Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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