had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
