I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
