I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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