3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
