I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
