ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
