Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
