Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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