she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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