So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
