i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
