Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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