there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
