You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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