So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
