I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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