were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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