it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
