I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
