did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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