Me. At least after what I've been through.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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